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next door
by thespian @ 2008-04-07 - 10:02:11

they've been trying to sell their house for two years.
the bloke who wants to buy it is a nutter.

with all due respect if you are one, he's a combination of a librarian, a chartered accountant and a scout leader.

i do not want him living next door to me.
he'd definitely put net curtains in, just so he could twitch them every time i step outside.

so far, so good - the sale keeps falling through.

but now i discover, he's claiming it's all sorted.

i need to do something to stop this happening!

but what?

break a few windows?
buy an incontinent goat and let it wander in next door's garden?
get a drum kit?
run out and kiss him next time he comes for a viewing?

think, thespian!
think!

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deleted user [Visitor]

2008-04-07 @ 10:10

you could always move.....

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 10:12

oh yeah - never thought of that.

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la_spicela_spice [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 10:11

It might be worth a kiss - good acting experience :yes:

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 10:13

(gulp)

ok, if you say so ...

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la_spicela_spice [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 10:14

Don't forget to wear that flowery dressing gown!

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
2008-04-07 @ 10:16

Oh, dear, he may not be that bad...they're all fairly respectable occupations you've given him...the strangest people turn out to be often the nicest, so don't despair...mind you, you could trying mooning over the fence if you're desperate, but mind the splinters...HLOL...great big hugs...

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:43

no - i've had one encounter with him already and that was enough!
not sure i'd risk mooning anywhere near him!

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jenrayjenray pro
http://www.jenniferhunter.co.uk
2008-04-07 @ 13:02

oh dear...don't know what to suggest except to just accept you ain't gonna like this neighbour...how sad...big hugs, Kev...XX

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MissyMouseMissyMouse [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 10:21

I vote for the goat.....or failing that take up nekkid gardening in the wee hours and dancing round while singing "All the nice boys like a sailor....."

On second thoughts, go for the goat!

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:43

the goat.
and the singing.
definitely!

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rubychoorubychoo [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 10:54

It's always the quiet ones...

Won't be long before there are spam wagons in the road, blue lights flashing.....

Feel better about it now ?

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:44

you know what?
i do!

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LandersUKLandersUK pro
2008-04-07 @ 10:59

I find police tape works wonders. Either strewn over their house or wrapped around your own. Has kept many an unwanted visitor away.

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:45

you're obviously speaking from some experience!
it's great advice, thanks!

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LandersUKLandersUK pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:48

I've done it to others for a joke. And they have done it to me.

Works wonders.

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MistakenIdentityMistakenIdentity [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 11:50

I'd definitely go for the goat....x

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 12:46

right, then.
i'm off to the goat shop!
thanks! x

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MissyMouseMissyMouse [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 23:08

MAke sure to get an alpaca goat or whatever those goats are called wtih the long hair and start spinning your own wool and knitting willy warmers or similar!

That'll get him worried all right!

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-08 @ 19:14

so you're saying i should greet him on the first day with a smile and ...
"hello, i'm your new neighbour. here's a willy warmer for you. it's very small because i thought it was appropriate."

it will definitely work!

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PrettyintelligentprincessPrettyintelligentprincess [Member]
2008-04-07 @ 13:29

Why don't you invite the lovely Doris for a holiday...

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 15:50

now that IS an excellent idea!

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EllieGantEllieGant pro
2008-04-07 @ 15:45

Borrow a book from him and refuse to give it back or pay the fine.

Tie the goat up in complicated knots to his front door.

Confuse him by shouting '2 and 2 make 5'

or

Practise blood-curdling lines at midnight

"Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a librarium".

Er, where do you live exactly? I'm moving soon.

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 15:51

great, thank you!
they all go on the list...

not telling where i live.
i don't know what you'd be like as a neighbour!

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blacksheep63blacksheep63 pro
2008-04-07 @ 16:43

start wearing islamic clothes and order several bags of fertilizer ... make it clear they are not for the goat

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thespianthespian pro
2008-04-07 @ 18:36

prize winning idea, thank you!
except that he walks round in a long coat carrying a rocket launcher, so he'd probably want to pop round for a brew.

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RunDontWalkRunDontWalk pro
http://menomamauk.blog.co.uk
2008-04-08 @ 00:28

Dang. The dreaded wacky neighbor moving in...keep your distance.

tylluanpenrytylluanpenry pro
2008-04-08 @ 23:03

Mr Penry suggests you borrow our ballista.... it's always worked for us ;)

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